Note to self: Take out tooth.

I was born with out part of my mouth!.... OK let met rephrase that... I was born with a birth defect called a cleft pallet and a cleft lip. This particular defect is when the baby's lip and roof of their mouth doesn't finish growing together in the mother's womb; resulting in an opening on either or both sides of the lip going up to the nostril and a hole ranging from the small to the whole roof of the mouth. So my whole life I have had surgeries just about every year or two because my upper jaw did not grow with the rest of my body. Which has made my life very interesting and not to brag or anything, I think it has also made me have a very high threshold for pain, physically and emotionally.

I was born with all of my teeth. I had all my teeth UNTIL (DUN DUN DUN!!) my baby teeth started falling out.

The tooth beside my front tooth on the left side had grown in behind everything when it was a baby tooth. When it finally fell out, the adult tooth grew above my two front teeth inside the gum. I can recall after the baby tooth had fallen out and it was found out that it would be years before I could even be considered to be operated on to have my tooth pulled down from its little hiding place in my mouth. This is when the news broke that I would have to start wearing a false tooth and I was only in the third grade.

My first retainer was really cool. I an remember showing it off at school after I had gotten it. I had a thing for frogs when I was little, so naturally I picked out a picture of a frog to be put on my retainer. But attached to my retainer was a little white tooth that even had a fake gum line around it to blend better in my mouth. Sadly 5 days after I got it, I had a bonegraph done on my mouth so I could no longer wear my beloved froggy retainer. I almost want to cry. :(

After that I had a series of surgeries, mouth pieces, braces, etc. So I'm going to now fast forward to 2002, when I was getting ready to be a sophomore in high school.

A couple weeks before school was going to begin, something magical happened; it was time for my braces to come off!!!! OH JOY, RAPTURE! I was the happiest 15 year-old girl ever! Except for one thing... while I was waiting for my orthodontist to make my retainer, I had to go with out a tooth in for A WHOLE HOUR! (I had a fake tooth just hooked on to my braces before). OH MY GOSH! That's the worst thing you could tell a teenager... "The good news is the braces are coming off, the bad news is you have to go for an hour with out one of your front teeth."

I looked like a freakin crack head! IT WAS SO BAD! I remember going to the mall (because we were in Joplin) and not being able to smile in public for the first time because I didn't have a tooth! The worst part was that my sister, cousin and I went into one of those photo booths in the mall that takes like 4 pictures of you, can you guess who wasn't making funny faces? Give you a hint it wasn't Randi or Jessica! So to conclude the longest hour of my life, I got my retainer and had a loverly smile for the first time in my life! After 15 years I could smile without braces or crazy teeth. What put the icing on the cake was having reconstructive surgery 5 days before my sixteenth birthday; basically I got a nose and lip job. It was very exciting and I got my first boyfriend after I had healed up and was lookin' fine as wine on a grape vine, too!

Alrighty, I'm going to push fast forward again, this time to January 2006.

I was now 19 and 'twas time to get my wisdom teeth pulled... scratch that, CUT out. I remember the excitement filling my veins. (Hopefully you catch my sarcasm because I was laying it on pretty thick). The oral surgeon who was going to be doing this operation was talking about putting in a permanent false tooth so that I would no longer have to wear my retainer, because after 3 years the front wires were starting to cut grooves into my teeth... which isn't good. So I was excited for that part. That was until we went back to his office one more time before the surgery to talk everything over. He then informed my mom and me that the permanent false tooth would be implanted after a 3 to 6 month period because he was going to have to implant a device to screw the tooth into when I had my operation; problem with that was there was not a guarantee that I would even have enough bone mass in my mouth to hold the device that needed to be implanted... so I told him I didn't want to bother with it, and I'd just wear a retainer. It would be less money, too! YAY FOR BEING CONSERVATIVE!!

SO, Valentine's Day '06 I had my wisdom teeth cut out of my mouth. After all the different kinds of surgeries I'd had done my face and mouth, this one was the most painful one and they only prescribed me ONE BOTTLE OF PAIN PILLS! HISS!!!! I was in pain for a good month atleast, and I also had dry sockets! But OK... on with the story. My mouth/face was so swelled up I couldn't fit my retainer in my mouth, so I had mom keep it for me. One day I was driving down the road, and was doing some "car cleaning" and I threw some paper, and a napkin out of my window. I then made a phone call to my mom.

"Hey, Mum. Where did you say you put my tooth at?" I asked.

"Its wrapped in a napkin, its in your car."

My mind went blank and I could feel the blood flowing out of my face... I had just threw my tooth out the window!

"MOM I'M PRETTY SURE THAT I JUST THREW MY TOOTH OUT THE WINDOW! WHY DID YOU WRAP IT IN A NAPKIN??!!" I angrily yelled at her.

"IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU THREW IT OUT THE WINDOW! YOU SHOULDN'T BE LITTERING IN THE FIRST PLACE. I suggest you go look for it." she growled back.

My friend Ashley and I did go look for it but came up empty handed.

Now I'm not blaming my mom fully and I'm not blaming myself fully. No, I shouldn't have littered, but orthodontists advise patients AND parents when they have retainers DO NOT WRAP THEM IN NAPKINS AND/OR KLEENEXES! So, it's both of our faults.

So a week and $366 later, I had a new retainer with a new tooth on it; it was better than my old one anyway so I guess it was worth it.

I had my new tooth and I was happy. Good times.

OK for the last time, I'm skipping ahead in time, this time only a few months, not years like the others.

It was the end of May, and my friends and I went to MoKan to watch the cars and what not. Well after it was over, we went over to a house party. Needless to say, I got a little intoxicated and ended up throwing up. You can probably tell where this is going...

While I was leaning over hugging the toilet, a friend was holding my hair and wetting a wash cloth with cold water for me. I sat up and started to slur out, "DON'T FLU..."

To late... she had flushed the toilet. Down went my puke... and down went my brand new tooth! I frantically stuck my hand in the toilet, with hope that MAYBE just maybe it wasn't really gone. I pulled my hand out with nothing but toilet water on my hand (p.s the toilet was clean). So when I woke up the next morning, along with a hangover, came the real life drama that I was with out a tooth, YET AGAIN! I worked at a restaurant at the time, so when I got to work that morning I explained to my co-workers that I was not going to work the register or talk to people. They laughed hysterically at me, but agreed that someone else would cover the register.

Thankfully my dentist was able to make me a new retainer fully equipped with new false tooth and he had customized it to make it a little bigger to fit... JUST IN CASE something were to happen, it wouldn't be disturbed from its place as easily.

I am now 21, and am happy to report that I still have the same tooth since the last dentist appointment that happened after the party incident. Sometimes I wish I could've been born normal just because I could've escaped some of the hassles, but when I really start thinking about it I wouldn't have it any other way. How cool is it to think that I'm going to be able to freak out my kids and/or grandchildren with my tooth! Also it would be pretty cool if I were rich, I could get different teeth to put in, like a gold or silver one to change out just whenever I felt like it. I will also have the memories of all these crazy scenarios that have happened to me. So just remember next time you do something stupid, just think to yourself, "Atleast I didn't get my tooth flushed down the toilet like Chassedi!"

Peace.