Recognizing Your Past

My husband Josh took my sister to children's church and I dropped Cainan off in the nursery. We collected ourselves and stepped into the sanctuary.

The service was packed. We immediately grabbed what seemed like the last two empty seats in the back row of the middle section. I took the aisle seat.

We were getting settled, taking off jackets and getting our Bibles ready. I put my purse down on the floor in front of me and as I was sitting up, glanced across the aisle at the people sitting there. My eyes met a young man's for about 10 seconds before I realized he was my very first boyfriend from my freshman year in high school. I had not seen or talked to him for 10 years.

I immediately sat up and stared forward. It was just weird, but I cannot really explain why. There were no bad, or good, feelings. I think it was just the surprise of seeing someone so far back from my past (from a very awkward time, mind you, I was 15) in a very present and powerful aspect of my life, church with my family.

For the rest of the service I kept trying to catch a glimpse out of the side of my eye to see if it was he. He was with a young lady, I assume his wife, who my husband and I both used to be friends with and also had not seen or talked to in a very long time.

Still, I didn't want to be a weirdo and just stare. I didn't want to risk the embarrassment of just saying, "Hey, are you…?" So I didn't.

The service ended and we all got up to leave. They walked out ahead of us and once we were all in the lobby, the young man and I looked at each other again for a minute as if thinking, "I know I know you, but do I?" Then they left.

I have to say that I am ashamed of myself for being so juvenile.

Josh and I should have said hello. We knew both of them! I was interested in knowing how they had both been in all that time. Later when I was talking to Josh about it, he said he thought that the young lady was who he thought she was, too, but wasn't for sure. We should have at least welcomed them to church.

This makes me wonder what makes people shy or weird about people or things from their past? Why do we sometimes need the feeling of disconnect from our past? Why are we sometimes so adamant about forgetting who we were? If we did not experience the things we did when we were 15, then we may not be the people we are today. God's plan is perfect and we have experienced everything He has wanted us to. Why wouldn't we want to welcome old friends? The fact that we didn't say anything has rather bothered me since. Was I afraid of the embarrassment if they didn't remember us? At the very worst, maybe they were not who we thought they were or they wouldn't have remembered either of us. Then we still could have introduced ourselves and maybe made new friends, or even better, encouraged their worship at our church. It seems like such a silly and easy thing to have to muster the courage for. I hope that Josh and I get another chance to see and welcome them. I hope that in the future, if an opportunity such as this happens again, I look upon the Lord for the strength and confidence to open my mouth and say two easy little syllables, "Hello."