Nutrition news still causes whiplash (04/11/06)
The clock on my computer screen tells me I am on the downward slope of midmorning and sliding toward lunchtime. This means my stomach is growling. In addition to taking care of my appetite, I am looking forward to a rare treat: lunch with my wife. Busy schedules don't permit us to eat workday lunches together very often...

All that glitters is not golden (04/02/06)
Today's column is not funny. It's about real life, which has its humorous moments. This isn't one of them. I am writing as fast as I can. In addition to the routine pressures of doing a job and getting by in the world, there are several new twists. My mother went to the hospital Sunday -- she got to fly in a helicopter -- after her right side stopped functioning and she found herself on the kitchen floor of the house where she lives alone...

Why we have sons (01/20/06)
Our first son was born 36 years ago. We were excited and scared. Thank goodness we soon got over the scared part. So 32 years ago we had a second son. We have never stopped being excited about our two sons. If there is a Big Plan for our lives, I believe it includes sons in some significant way...

A cat's view heaven (01/13/06)
This winter has been short on sunshine. Have you noticed? There have been so many cloudy days in recent weeks that when the sun comes out it's an event. Just ask Miss Kitty, the resident feline and sunshine connoisseur at the Sullivan household. Saturday, for example, was a day much like cat heaven...

The curse of the fudge (01/06/06)
I'm sorry if I've snapped at anyone this week, but I'm experiencing fudge rage. Medical science doesn't have a lot to say about this condition, so I guess it's up to me to spread the word. You've experienced sugar highs? Caffeine rushes? MSG sweats? These are all well-documented in medical journals. But no one bothers much with fudge and its nasty side effects...

Forever tied to the Ozarks (12/16/05)
It is, I think, a fair assumption that we are attached most to wherever we grew up. Not to disparage Kansas, since I think most of its beauty is hidden, but only a native Kansan can truly love that state's treeless hills and plains. I had the good fortune of living in eastern Kansas for four years. ...

Dear Santa: All I want is ... (12/07/05)
I've been good, Santa. Really, I have. It's been almost a year since I publicly and unashamedly begged for something in this column. I haven't pestered anyone for real Southern pralines, all crumbly and filled with pecans. I didn't embarrass my family by mentioning, week after week, that I love fresh, ripe tomatoes...

Practical advice for an escape (11/30/05)
If you happen to be in prison -- or, perhaps, headed for the pokey -- and are looking for some practical advice about breaking out, you've come to the right place. Today, we are going to examine the misfortunes of two hapless inmates who escaped from an Iowa prison only to be nabbed a few days later not too far from Cape Girardeau...

A present for Little Girl (09/02/05)
Somewhere out there, Little Girl is celebrating her birthday with her father. I don't know Little Girl's name, nor do I know her father. Her father and I met, briefly, in a Wal-Mart checkout line. Our encounter was purely coincidental. He had been shopping for Little Girl's special day. I had picked up some odds and ends. We both went to the same "20 items or less" lane, because we thought we could get checked out faster...

The sandwich, and its many variations (08/11/05)
Some of you may be surprised to know that Elvis and I share some of the same food favorites. Sort of. The King was fond of peanut-butter-and-banana sandwiches. At least that's what my wife and I learned several years ago during a tour of Graceland. I've never eaten a peanut-butter-and-banana sandwich, not even after I got the recipe from the Graceland kitchen staff...

Governor signs important legislation (07/26/05)
July 14 was the last day that Governor Blunt could sign bills that passed this session. Many of the priorities that we, in the Missouri House, set out to accomplish have already been signed, but there were still some very important pieces of legislation signed this week. ...

Poison ivy, 1; Joe, 0 -- game over (07/22/05)
Don Quixote jousted with windmills because he thought they were giants. I engaged in hand-to-hand combat with the wild hedge in our back yard because it is gigantic. We both lost. I don't recall if Quixote suffered any injuries that required medical attention...

First fruits: at last, success in the garden (07/15/05)
For the first time in more than a decade, I'm not whining about free tomatoes. That's because Trapper Joe, Rocker Joe, Roofer Joe has become Farmer Joe. By the way, I got stuck with those other nicknames for good reasons. Last fall I used a live trap to catch seven raccoons that were wreaking havoc on my patio fountain. They: Were thirsty. Thought the goldfish were appetizing. Or wanted to wash their dirty garbage. You pick...

Summer heat? (07/08/05)
Eleven years ago today, my wife and I were walking around boxes stacked all over our home. These boxes contained all our worldly possessions. We had just moved to Cape Girardeau, starting right before the Fourth of July. Most of you won't remember this, but my wife and I can tell you every detail about the local weather that week...

Upward moves are Greek to me (06/29/05)
When you hit a milestone like a 40th wedding anniversary, you tend to turn everything you do for weeks before and after the actual date into a commemorative event. So the overseas trip we took in May and the three-day getaway this week to a lake we've never heard of in south-central Kentucky near Mammoth Cave National Park both come under the heading "40th Anniversary Big Deals."...

Memorial Day,without the grape soda (05/31/05)
When Sunday morning rolls around, God willing and the creek don't rise, I will be standing in front of a group of people gathered at Mountain View Cemetery in Des Arc, Mo., for the annual Memorial Day service. There will be singing and praying. And me...

The fowl life of an ordinary Joe (05/06/05)
My wife and I are to the point that we don't like many wrinkles in our routine, but once in a while we get a jolt or two. If someone asked me to describe my life, I would say that I have been very fortunate and very lucky, but on the whole I consider myself ordinary...

I don't want to pick a fight ... (04/22/05)
Many years ago I lived in Nevada. No, not that Nevada. Not the state. The Nevada I moved to is the town in Vernon County on the western side of Missouri south of Kansas City and north of Joplin. Now that you know where it is, do you know how to say Nevada? No, not like that Nevada. Not like the state...

High-tech mystery (04/15/05)
OK. Let's start at the beginning. A few years ago we remodeled the kitchen of our half-century-old house. Before the renovation, the kitchen had its original pink metal cabinets and linoleum on the floor that defied description. The new kitchen, of course, got all the modern conveniences: new appliances, light switches that turned things on and off, electrical outlets, oodles of countertop space and a breakfast bar under the window that overlooks our backyard secret garden with two bird feeders...

Some complaints are fun (04/08/05)
The phone rang Thursday morning. On the other end was a Lovely Lady -- I could tell she was lovely by the way she stated her case. Folks who call the editor usually have a complaint. And folks who are complaining tend to be on the -- How should I put this? -- grumpy side...

How clocks, brain surgery are related (03/11/05)
As you probably have noticed, Speak Out comments tend to come in waves. An example: It starts with the big breakers from restaurant employees who rely on tips. Then there's the high surf regarding bad service at restaurants. Next comes the tsunami of indignation from servers who have to put up with customers so gross it's a wonder they go out in public at all...

Littering: It's time to go to war (03/04/05)
If you toss foam beverage containers, fast-food wrappers, soiled diapers, aluminum cans, cigarette butts, gum wrappers, empty snuff cans, snot-filled tissues, old tires or worn-out sofas from your vehicles onto city streets, county roads, and state and federal highways, you probably don't want to read any further...

The power of prayer (02/22/05)
Prayer. That's what this column is about. I don't want to sound preachy, but prayer has been on my mind quite a bit. Most of us have been praying as long as we can remember. Now I lay me down to sleep ... . God is great, God is good ... . Many of us have turned to prayer in times of extreme need: God, get me through this final exam with a passing grade, and I promise ... ...

Oh! No! Joe's whining -- again (02/08/05)
Some time ago -- maybe even a few years, since the past is getting dimmer and dimmer as I add candles on my birthday cake -- I complained in this very column about the stickers on fruit sold in supermarkets. Dear reader, you are about to learn more than you ever wanted to know about those stickers. And about my peevish whining...

What does the editor do all day? (01/25/05)
Gee, Joe, what do you do all day? Golly willikers, Joe, I'd like to have a job where all you do is write one column a week. Good gravy, Joe, do your bosses know how little work you do? * Aside from the fact that no one -- except yours truly, perhaps -- ever says "Gee," "Golly willikers" or "Good gravy" anymore, I hear the comments above quite a bit...

Still looking for the silver lining (01/14/05)
So let me tell you what I've been thinking about during these recent gloomy days: For more than 30 years now, my wife and I have been making regular pilgrimages to the central Oregon Coast in search of the restorative powers of listening to crashing surf -- and nothing, absolutely nothing, that falls into the category of "has to be done today." For 15 of those years, we have rented the same house perched on the ocean's edge where the spray at high tide clouds the floor-to-ceiling windows offering a 180-degree panoramic view from the mouth of the Yachats River on the north to Cape Perpetua on the south.. ...

A few wishes for 2005 --nothing big (01/07/05)
Another year is gone. Each one goes by faster. I'm not one for making resolutions. How can I resolve to be nicer when I already think I'm a pretty nice fellow? Lose weight? I've done it a thousand times. I can do it again if I want. No resolution needed...

Cat's view of big house: Big yawn (12/19/04)
Hello. I'm the calico cat that lives at the Sullivan place. You might as well call me Miss Kitty, because everyone else around here does. I prefer to be called Adabelle, which was my great-grandmother's middle name. But I can't seem to get that across to the humans who live here. How can you tell humans anything? Oh, don't worry. I get my message across just fine most of the time...

Making Christmas bright (12/10/04)
When I was a youngster, the pages of the Sears and Montgomery Ward Christmas catalogs were dog-eared by Thanksgiving. The pages had been scrutinized, folded and marked with a pencil. If Santa or my parents or some rich, unknown benefactor had purchased every item I wanted, the total bill would have been over $1,000. ...

River City Journal (11/07/04)
I take it all back -- most of it Last week I rashly advised you, my kind and loyal readers, to wash your hands before leaving the bathroom or any public restroom. I said this is the No. 1 way to avoid germs, particularly those that lead to colds and flu...

River City Journal (10/17/04)
No one has to think up this stuff Some of you are overheating from a burning question you keep asking me. And your question doesn't have anything to do with what I want for Christmas. No, the question I hear most often is this: Where do you get the ideas for your columns? This is such an easy one...

River City Journal (10/10/04)
I've seen it all, now I've heard folks, usually of a particular age, say something like: If you live long enough, you'll see everything. But I didn't know exactly what they meant. Until about 4:02 p.m. Tuesday when an e-mail popped up on my computer screen...

River City Journal (09/30/04)
Testing: Say, can you hear me now? An elderly friend occasionally gives me this advice when we compare notes on our latest aches and pains: "Don't get old if you can help it." I use the word "elderly" advisedly. In some quarters I'm sure I am lumped into that category...

River City Journal (09/22/04)
If you ask, I'm obligated to respond Here are a few items from the mailbag: Hey, Joe -- what about that last bridge blast? -- "Dynamite" Dan Dear Dan: What's to think? The bridge fell down. I don't want to sound like a pessimist, but all bridges will eventually fall down even if there are no explosives involved...

River City Journal (09/10/04)
Fussbudget heaven is on the way Anyone who knows me also knows I am something of a fussbudget. As it turns out, I'm married to one, too. What is a fussbudget? My definition is someone who straightens framed pictures hanging on the walls of other people's houses...

River City Journal (09/06/04)
Decorating tip: Garbage has its place Little did I know that painting the garage, which I described in last week's scribblings, would turn into a case study for some future textbook on interior design. But my wife, who has a keen eye for decorating, had other ideas...

River City Journal (09/01/04)
At last, the garage has paint When it comes to long-term projects, I don't have much patience. Who would have ever dreamed it would take seven years to get the garage painted? Our house dates from the 1950s. It's solid as a rock and surrounded by enormous trees...

River City Journal (08/25/04)
Olympics are back ... yawn ... really! Am I the only person alive who thinks the Olympics have gone bonkers? Countless stories this year have informed us that the original Olympics were wild and crazy. Hanky-panky in those days was a serious contact sport, if you know what I mean...

River City Journal (08/16/04)
My cousins don't kiss, but they eat Have you been to a reunion this year? Chances are you have. I'm not what you would call the reunion type. I have successfully avoided any of my high school or college reunions. Family reunions are hit and miss. Now I have two reunions coming up -- one tomorrow and another on the second Saturday of August -- and I'm planning to go...

River City Journal (08/10/04)
Bartleby calls shots on big visit The overhead telephone bell in the newsroom is a signal to one and all: This could be the most important news story of a lifetime, so some scrivener ought to answer the phone. Now. "Hello, news department? This is a Democrat. Did you know John Edwards is making a campaign stop in Cape Girardeau?"...

River City Journal (08/03/04)
Live trapping is one thing; then what? When I was growing up on Killough Valley in the Ozarks west of here, wild critters were taken for granted. I never, in my wildest dreams, thought I would wind up living in town and becoming Trapper Joe. But that's exactly what's happened...

River City Journal (07/12/04)
I'll tell you as soon as I remember Some of you may have heard me say my memory is like a rolling pin: OK on each end but a middle that can either make a flaky pie crust or a glob of paste. I can remember things from when I was 3 or 4 years old. But if I just met you 10 minutes ago, I might not remember your name...