Don Flood

Motherhood: the new hotness

The store poster showed a young, obviously pregnant woman with a very large belly -- and a bare midriff.

"Motherhood," the poster said. "It's HOT."

Hot in what way, I wondered? Hot and sweaty?

Nope, the model's come-hither look made it clear she was meant to be HOT, as in hottie, hot babe -- or maybe hot mama.

Perhaps I'm dating myself here, but how important is it, really, for a pregnant woman to look HOT?

I've always considered dressing "hot" as a way of attracting the attention of the opposite sex.

(My wife would be the first to tell you that I am rather hot myself, though she means it in the sense of "hot and sweaty." And probably smelly, too.)

So here we have a pregnant woman with an outfit that basically says: I'm pregnant and I may give birth in the next seven minutes, right here in line at the 10 items or less so-called Express Lane.

And I am HOT!

I'm sorry, but no matter how sexy the outfit may attempt to be, men are not thinking: Wow, that is some hot babe there who looks like she's carrying a 30 pound Thanksgiving turkey in her stomach!

No, they're thinking more along the lines of: If she starts giving birth I might have to help in some way! Let's get out of here! In fact, "hot" is just about the furthest thing from their minds at that time.

Not that this trend is completely bad. (Wasn't it only 15 minutes ago that abs were so big?)

If big bellies really do equal sex appeal, then Americans are the biggest hotties on the planet.

And getting hotter by the minute, which is no wonder when the government is sending out such confusing messages about food.

Here's a real-life announcement made recently by the federal government: Americans should eat more whole grains and exercise more!

What is that supposed to mean? Eat sensibly and get more exercise?

How can the government expect people to follow wacko advice like that?

And how come our hard-earned tax dollars are going toward this kind of nonsense and not something like: "The Food and Drug Administration has announced the creation of a Magic Donut that melts away flab while you watch TV."

But Americans are trying.

A recent real-life poll included an interesting statistic: 70 percent of Americans rated themselves as "careful" eaters.

Hmmm, excuse me while I digest that -- and the sugar-frosted blueberry doughnut I just inhaled for breakfast.

"Careful" how?

Careful not to let food fall off the plate?

Careful not to miss any dessert items on the buffet line?

Careful not to run out of beer and chips during the football season?

Yes, I suppose Americans are pretty careful eaters.

Many Americans also said they get enough exercise, including 19 percent who say they get their exercise through physically demanding jobs.

That, naturally, would include me. It's not like these keyboard keys push themselves down, you know. That's why my fingers still look "hot."

Write to Don Flood in care of King Features Weekly Service, P.O. Box 536475, Orlando, FL 32853-6475, or send e-mails to dflood@ezol.com