Dozens of mystery items have been turned up. Not merely the probated wills of the dead, but countless human-interest puzzles that don't seem to belong in such files at all.
| Consider this one, written on the letterhead of attorney A.J. King, in 1928: |
"Dear Sir: A woman, X -- -- -- -- -- -- in company with her foster mother, called upon me today and claims that you got into her virgin field nearly nine months since, destroyed her virginity, and that in short time, three or four weeks hence, that the fruit of your trespass is soon to ripen, and that you had admitted that you was the author of the fruit that is to come forth.
"They state without reservation that you contracted and promised to care for the fruit, and to finance the preparations therefor. They claim that the time is ripe, for swaddling clothes and other things are needed, and that they need some finance to care for the fruit when it arrives.
| They wanted me to use the law on you, should you fail to respond, by way of action for damages. I would suggest that you come in without delay, and it may be the matter can be adjusted, without the aid of the courts." |
Just what ensued, whether this turned into a fullblown paternity suit, or was settled out of court, there's no clue, just that one isolated reference.
| There's a letter from John C. Boone, Nevada City, to Albert Nelson, Delta, Tenn., written in the looming shadow of the Civil War, on Jan. 31, 1861: |
| "We have a charter for a R. Road through our county, but times have shut down so closely that there is no prospect of its being soon built. Our county has not subscribed anything to the proposed Rail Road. Real estate has not advanced in consequence of the extreme 'hard times.'... We never knew money so scarce. The last year was a general failure of crops of every kind with us, on account of the unprecedented drought. But, sir, when we shall have raised another good crop, peace shall be established on our border, and the political skies shall have cleared away, I think this portion of Missouri is destined to receive a heavy emigration, and then you may obtain a fair price for your lands." |
| Alas, it would be many years before Boone's optimistic prediction was fulfilled. As his ominous P.S. notes: "Three fourths of the citizens of this county are for secession." |
Any number of puzzling warrants show up in the probate records, such as the following, which was given fullblown legal attention despite its laughably trivial nature.
| "The State of Missouri to the Sheriff of Vernon County, or to any Constable of Center Township, in said county, Greetings: "Whereas, upon a trial had before a jury on the 31st day of May, 1884, upon an information filed before Thos. McBridge, a Justice of the Peace, by L. L. Scott, charging Mary Clock with disturbing the peace of Birdie Patterson by loud and unusual noise, by loud and indecent conversation, the defendant, Mary Clock, was by the jury found guilty and her punishment assessed at a fine of one cent and costs ... and that the said Mary Clock having failed to pay the said hue and costs, you are hereby commanded to take the body of the said Mary Clock and her forthwith to commit to the custody of the jailer of the said county, who is hereby required the body of the said Mary Clock to receive and imprison in the County Jail of said County for the space of (blank) days and until said fine and costs be paid." |
On a rather more serious level is the probate file of murder victim Thomas Profitt, which catches the attention because it brings out an entirely different account of the incident from that given in The History of Vernon County. The Profitt family were well-known pioneer settlers in Harrison Township, near the mouth of Moore's Branch.
| "An old time feud" that resulted in three deaths, the History calls it. "In the year 1860 two brothers-in-law, Alfred Woods and Thomas Profitt, were engaged in an animated and somewhat heated religious discussion, when Woods seized a chair and struck Profitt a deadly blow." |
Yet affidavits in the probate file paint quite a different picture. "John Linn, being duly sworn, says that A.L. Wood (sic) came to his house on that day (Jan. 12, 1860) and stated that he had a fight at his house with Thos. Profitt, that he had stabbed him with a knife and believed he had killed him."
Question: "What was Wood's appearance?"
Answer: "He was bloody and seemed to be bruised."
An inquest confirmed the manner of death.
Mrs. Woods, it developed, was Thomas Profitt's sister, and Profitt was only one of an "assemblage" gathered with the intention of lynching Woods for abusing his wife. Apparently, however, the two men did contend also about religion. In fact, witnesses stated they engaged in two fights on the same day.
"The fight commenced about Scripture," attested one witness, "and a dispute arose. They were at the table eating when the argument commenced."
"Mr. Profitt rose up, put the Bible on the shelf, and put his hands on each side of his, Woods's head. They were disputing each other's word." Wood produced a butcher knife and used it. Just where the historian got the story of Woods striking Profitt dead with a chair is anybody's guess.
"Woods was arrested and placed in confinement at Nevada, in a room, under guard," the history goes on. "In the same room with him was a demented man named Hughes, who was a brother-in-law of Profitt... and who was being sent to an asylum. Hughes seized a pistol and shot Woods dead."
| If you're puzzled by the lawmen's seeming carelessness, what do you make of these further adventures of the "demented man being sent to an asylum." |
| "A year or two later, after the war had begun, Hughes was on his way home, and by some means was wearing a Federal uniform. While crossing the prairie not far from home he was shot and killed by his brother-in-law, Nathan Godfrey, who was at that time in Confederate service and preparing to go South." |
There was indeed a "feud," it would seem, involving the whole extended family, and the "heated religious discussion" was merely incidental.



