Woman eats her way to greatness

Tuesday, February 8, 2005

Lawrence Summers, the president of Harvard University and a man who should know better, recently said a very bad thing: He said there might be "innate differences" between men and women.

One woman got so mad she stalked out and went shopping for shoes.

JUST KIDDING PEOPLE -- especially you of the female persuasion! (Now I've said a bad thing!)

The story just said she walked out. It didn't mention shoes, and women aren't any more likely than men to buy shoes.

I personally have well over one pair of shoes in my closet this very minute.

And who knows, I might even buy some more shoes at lunchtime, or in the year 2027.

Still, it's time to face facts: Men and women are different and, to take it one step further, I think it's time for men to concede that women are vastly superior to men, in at least one respect: They can eat way more.

And I mean, WAY, WAY more.

Tucked away recently among the fillers -- don't ask me why this wasn't plastered all over the front pages -- was one of the most extraordinary -- and absolutely true -- stories I have ever read.

Kate Stelnick of Princeton, N.J., age 19 and weighing 100 pounds, polished off a six-pound hamburger in under the three-hour time limit -- a feat accomplished by no one else, including a 420-pound competitive eater named Eric "Badlands" Booker, who failed in three attempts. (On his last try, he finished the burger but it took more than seven hours.)

Stelnick whupped a man more than four times her size!

Also -- and if you're eating now you might want to stop -- the burger was just the beginning. The meal, all consumed by Kate "The Human Stomach" Stelnick, included five pounds of "fixins": one large onion, two whole tomatoes, one half head of lettuce, 1.25 pounds of cheese, top and bottom buns and a cup eachof mayonnaise, ketchup, mustard, relish, banana peppers and some pickles.

Admit it, men: This is greatness. Actually, it's downright scary -- particularly for a young man taking her out to dinner for the first time.

STELNICK: I'll have the lamb, please.

WAITER: Excellent choice, the lamb chops are very good this evening.

STELNICK: No, I don't want the lamb chops. I want the whole lamb. And what do you have to do to get a couple of loaves of bread around here?

Young Stelnick apparently suffered no ill effects, but you can't help wondering what her friends thought: "I hate to mention it, Kate, but you've put on a few pounds, well actually about 10 pounds, since, um, this morning."

So you're probably wondering, what did she have for dessert?

The story didn't say, but it did mention the fabulous prizes she won for perhaps the greatest feat in gastronomic history: She received a free T-shirt and a special certificate, plus they picked up the $24 tab!

Enough to make you want to give it a try, huh? I'm just speaking here to the women, of course.

Write to Don Flood in care of King Features Weekly Service, P.O. Box 536475, Orlando, FL 32853-6475, or send e-mails to dflood@ezol.com