Nevada Daily Mail: Column: Dick Hedges ~ Fort Scott Guest Columnist: Word wizardry

The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

1.	Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2.	Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
3.	Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
4.	Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

The also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or chainging one letter, and s upply a new definition.

1.	Bozone (n.), the substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sig of breaking down in the near future.
2.	Dopeler effect (n.), the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
3.	Caterpallor (n.), the color you turn after finding half a grup in the fruit you're eating.