You big dummy

Those were the exact words I used last weekend, after chastising myself over a recent blunder. Even as I write these sentences and paragraphs, I can feel my ire rise again. Trying to forgive one's own shortcomings is perhaps the most difficult of tasks.

The most recent misstep to invoke my self-deprecation was as a good friend aptly described my boo-boo to be.... "a real doozy."

A few years ago, I lost a significant portion of my vision.

As a result of that condition, there are some things that I simply cannot, nor will I ever be able to do again. I actually consider myself lucky. I can do so many things that others who have had health issues cannot.

That sight problem reared its head once more last Friday. I was doing some minor "picking up" around the "man cave," as we were going to have some guests the next day for a barbecue. That was when I noticed the stain on the carpet!

This stain was not located in an area where I would have thought I might have spilled anything, but there it was "in plain sight!" The color of the stain was between an off white and perhaps a very pale yellow. It was about 3 inches wide by probably 2 inches high.

I dreaded my next action. Getting down on the floor at my age and size is not a proposition I relish, but I figured I had no other choice. I retrieved the bottle of carpet cleaner from the cabinet in the laundry room, and a few paper towels.

The directions on the bottle said to generously spray the entire area, and then to let it soak in for a couple of minutes. The next instruction was to use towels to soak up the cleaner, which should also remove the stain. It cautioned the reader, that the act might have to be repeated for a "tough stain."

I followed the directions to the letter. After a few minutes, I used the paper towels to soak up the liquid. I was not expecting a complete miracle, but was quite surprised to see that there was no appreciable lessening in the stain. I could not see any effect at all.

This led me to plan B. I sprayed more of the carpet cleaner on the stain area, but this time I also used a cleaning brush. I put some significant "elbow grease" into my brushing action.

My efforts brought no results that I could perceive. The stain looked no different than it did when I first noticed it. I racked my brain to try and remember what I could have possibly spilled or dropped on the carpet. I asked myself, what would make this kind and color of stain, and is the carpet ruined forever?

I gave it one more try, but when there seemed to be no change, I decided to give up my efforts. Best to wait until tomorrow, and call the local carpet cleaner.

As with many unpleasant thoughts and ideas, I have discovered that I have the unique ability, to do my very best Scarlett O'Hara procrastination imitation. When I don't like something, I tend to put it out of my mind for a time. So it was with the carpet stain. I went about my normal routines, with little of no memory of the issue plaguing my conscience.

The stain was located about 4 feet in front of my recliner and side table. The next day when I went to sit in the chair, I noticed the carpet cleaner bottle was still resting on the table by the recliner.

That was when I gazed in utter amazement at the floor, and noted immediately, that the stain had completely disappeared! I am by nature a realist, so my mind could not accept what I was seeing. Had I not spent a good 15 minutes the night before, doing everything I could think of the remove that stain? Had I not failed completely in those efforts?

There is no magic in the world I told myself. There are no gremlins that sneaked into my house and removed that stain. What happened, and how did it happen?

I sat down in my recliner, and reached over to the lamp on the side table. When I switched on the light, you could have knocked me over with the proverbial feather! For there in plain sight once more was that mysterious horrible stain.

Just as I had flipped the switch to turn on the lamp, my mind now flipped on a really "dim switch." An instant later, the phrase "You Big Dummy," screamed in my head. There was never any stain on the carpet. It was a reflection from the light of the side table lamp.

It was then that I remembered what had happened a few days previously. While looking for some papers on the same side table beside my recliner, I had accidently knocked over that lamp. When it landed on the floor, the lampshade was damaged.

I had made a mental note, that the next time I went shopping; I needed to buy a new lampshade. When I now inspected the shade, I saw the small hole in the side of the shade that had been caused by that accident. The light that reflected through that hole was the culprit for the carpet stain.

The mystery was solved, but my chagrin was far from appeased. Like so many times in my life, and I suspect in some of yours too, I have had to chide myself for a similar stupid act.

What makes it even worse, is the foretelling knowledge that this will happen again. I can rest assured that there will be some new mistake on my part, and I will once more shout at myself, "You Big Dummy!"