Airline Humor

Our thanks to Anne Emerson for sharing the following airline stories:

* On a Southwest flight (Southwest has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people, we're not picking our furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"

* Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the flight attendant said, "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate."

* "An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy, which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile and give them a, "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, ma'am," said the officer. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"

* After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came on with, "Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

* This airline cabin announcement was actually heard by Anne and Tim Emerson. Anne said, "As the Southwest attendant was thanking her passengers, including Tim and me, she said, 'Thank you so much for flying Southwest; we know you have a choice of airlines and we thank you for choosing South...' Suddenly the plane touched the runway, bounced in the air, and bounced once again off the runway. The attendant added, "Southwest, where you get two landings for the price of one.'"