Young Blood 7/8

Tuesday, July 8, 2003

Soul mates -- two little words, one big concept. A belief that some one, somewhere is holding the key to your heart and all that you have do is find them. So where is this person? And if you love someone and it didn't work out does that mean that they weren't your soul mate? Does it mean that they were just a runner up in this game show we call 'happily ever after?' And as you move from age box to age box and your contestants get fewer and fewer, are your chances of finding your soul mate less and less? Although I am in the prime of my life right now, where my age box is filled with endless possibilities of prospective soul mates, I sometimes wonder when my other half will arrive. As I was conversing with an old debate friend that I hadn't talked to in a couple of years, that somewhat dreaded question was asked. "So, have you found that special someone yet?" And I began thinking to myself, special -- is that what makes a soul mate? I look back to my high school days and suddenly began to realize that most of my so called, special someones mostly consisted of sporadic dates and long distance relationships. Nothing of real substance. As the days progress and the one-time dinner dates become more and more the norm, I begin to wonder, have I become the lead contestant in our happily ever after game show? If so, does that mean that while everyone else is advancing to the next round I will forever be stuck in the challengers' spot, waiting to try again and again? Or is it time for me to finally stand up and march through the crowd without fear? Now it dawns on me -- maybe I'm just afraid. Maybe I haven't found my soul mate because I am too afraid of what I like to call the 'big C' word or commitment. In fact, it's not even a maybe. I know I am petrified of being tied down for the rest of my life. I don't mean that I am some wild kid running around town day in and day out afraid of having their freedom taken away, but rather just somewhat of a free spirit. I like being the only person I answer to (well, beside my parents) and I like going out and not having to tell anyone where I am going. I like drinking the last drop of milk straight out of the carton because I know that I am the only one using it and I like picking all of the marshmallows out of my Lucky Charms because I know that I am the only one eating them. I love laying on my stomach and consuming my whole double bed and waking up only minutes before I have to be somewhere, because I know that I am the only one in my bed. But I also like the comfort of having someone around and the stability of a happy relationship. I like having someone to watch my favorite movie with or to fix dinner for. So I guess that it is just all about compromise. I am going to have to learn that finding my "special someone" is going to take a lot of hard work on my part. I have been wanting to find my soul mate -- but only on my terms, and I still do things the way that I have always done them. That's just not how it works. I guess my mother was always right when she said that sometimes you just have to compromise to get what you've been looking for.