The third cup

Sunday, December 14, 2003

Hi neighbors. I can only think of one other time of year -- tax time -- when people are so busy spending money.

Everywhere I look there are crowds of people moving headlong into stores, then down aisles, tossing things frantically aside in deep storage bins, looking for that mythical perfect gift.

The quest for the perfect gift has been around for generations, maybe even eons.

According to legend, even the gods of Olympus searched for things to give each other and mortals to prove their love and support. Of course, some of the mythical gods gave gifts best left on the shelf.

This was long before there was the concept of returns, refunds or exchanges.

And unfortunately, some of the gifts caused more problems and misery than they were worth. It seemed accepted on Olympus that if a god gave another god something they didn't like, the only place they could dump it and still look, well, mighty; was on some unsuspecting humans.

Once delivered, a human receiving a gift from Olympus was pretty much stuck with it. Unless they could trick one of the lesser gods or half-gods into taking it at discount as a gag gift.

Even unwanted and unappreciated gifts have a value. If we never got gifts we didn't like, how could we learn to be gracious? How could we learn to appreciate the gifts we do like? How could we have enough to sale at our own yard sales? Or get what we really wanted at the return counters of various stores? Remember the old saying that it's better to give than to receive.

We can laugh and say it refers to those really ugly ties or endless bottles of aftershave, candy dishes, and kitchen or workshop gadgets. But we don't give those types of gifts do we? And we really shouldn't always put ourselves on the receiving end.

Maybe a refresher course in gift giving 101 would be helpful during this most gift-conscious season. Take a few minutes to sit down, sip some coffee and think through this whole gift giving and getting concept.

How important, or even obtainable, is selecting the "perfect" gift anyway? Does what we give matter as much as why we give? The best part of a gift is the giving of it. It doesn't matter what the gift is. Why do we give gifts anyway? Most do it because we want to share a part of our material bounty, interests, excitement or awe over a newly found hobby or philosophy. Because we want someone else to know we want them to be a part of our lives and we want to share with them the parts of our lives we most value.

When you think of gift giving this way, the dollar value disappears and the true joy in giving and receiving can be found.

How many parents have been brought to tears by their toddler's first gifts of bright yellow dandelion heads? Their smiles at your joyful reception of their gift is all the thank yous they want. Like the pure gift givers they are, they don't even care what you do with the gift once it's given and received.

They know in their innocence that the giving of the flower was their way of sharing the magic of springtime, the beauty of bright yellow in a field of green grass. Dandelion blooms are notorious for wilting almost as soon as picked so only children who don't know this give these flowers as they are intended to be given -- as symbols of love and sharing.

Maybe it is this love and sharing; and any gift that represents those qualities, that are the best gifts.

Now I'm not suggesting we all give each other dandelion blooms for Christmas, anniversaries or birthdays.

Many of us use those occasions to give each other pragmatic gifts of things we might need but don't consider getting for ourselves. Or things we never knew we would enjoy until we got them.

We also use those opportunities to show how much affection we have for those we give gifts to with personal gifts such as photo albums, favorite author's books, music, collectibles, toys, clothing or jewelry.

Just keep in mind when deciding on gifts to give, or when you receive a gift yourself; that the gift is ideally only a symbol of people exchanging parts of themselves and their lives.

Until the next time friends remember; give generously of your time and love, receive gratefully all gifts given, and realize you always give the perfect gift when you know the perfect gift is the act of giving.