The third cup

Sunday, May 23, 2004

Hi neighbors. Sometimes I think we spend a lot of our time getting ready to do something else. Although I've heard anticipation is as much fun as reaching the goal, the journey is as important as reaching the destination, and baking is as delightful (and needless to say more healthful) than eating the cookies, I have doubts. I suppose one could conclude then that anxiety is as "exciting" as the anticipated panic attack.

Can thinking ahead really be good for the mind and spirit? Or does it only affect the ulcers? Sometimes we jump into something only to find out later it wasn't what we thought it was, or it was more than we thought it would be, or we realize we just were not thinking at all.

As my mother used to say, "Just because you think you know what you're doing, doesn't mean you actually do." It seems this happens to me a lot, and I'm starting to think it's the simply not thinking at all that's the problem. The aspect of thinking ahead might not be involved from the get-go.

Recently a friend asked me to help her with a marketing venture. It sounded like fun! I could learn new skills, meet some interesting people, and earn some money while I was at it. It was only after a few days I stopped telling myself how good I was doing and realized I had no idea of what I was supposed to do. Thank goodness my friend was gracious enough to let me bow out without upsetting the friendship.

Another thing I've done lately is try out for a part in a CCPA (Community Council of the Performing Arts) production. Much to my surprise, I got a part! Somewhere in the middle of the act I'm in, after about four rehearsals, I figured out I had no idea of what was going on. Not only do I have no stage "savvy" but I have no acting talent at all.

After several nights of troubled sleep and several days of stomach aches, I told the director I didn't know if I could do what I was supposed to do. "I can't remember my lines!" I wailed. Actually, I COULD remember my lines, just not when on stage.

He assured me I'd do fine and since I got to keep my script with me anyway, he didn't see it as a problem. Little did he know how much of a problem one anxiety-ridden actor could cause.

"Nancy, why don't you say those last lines a little slower," he suggested.

"I can't," I stammered. "I have to say them fast so I can inhale." He blinked a couple of times, debating, I'm sure, whether getting an answer was worth another query.

I could tell he had never had a panic attack, real or imagined, or even one thinly disguised as stage fright. Well, the show must go on and I will go on with it, confident in the abilities of the veteran actors to explain the silence of a suddenly petrified middle-aged woman to the audience. Or at least work around her.

I'm just glad I'm not the president. I think it safe to say he has panic attacks day and night. I can't help but feel he too often suddenly realizes he doesn't have a clue as to what he's doing and how he got in the middle of doing it. Poor George, I can empathize.

Don't you wonder how long it takes for any president to feel overwhelmed? Depends on the president I suppose, or the times and situations. Day One for some I imagine, certainly before the end of the third year for most.

What I don't understand is why anyone would want to be President of the United States in the first place.

The salary isn't that great. As a matter of fact they probably spend more campaigning to get the job than they will ever earn in salary. Of course, there are lots of other perks, like lifetime health insurance and security.

Still, it would take a lot of perks to make the job attractive as far as I'm concerned. Just knowing every one in the world is looking over your shoulder and judging your work 24/7 would be enough to make me immobile. It has to be one of those things you do first and think about later.

Until the next time friends remember: We all grow only as far as we dare to stretch ourselves. Just keep in mind the next time you feel you could stretch a mile, you still have to walk back.