Show your kids who's boss

A Florida couple, tired of getting no help around the house from their children, have taken action: They've gone on strike!

And to show the kids, ages 12 and 17, they mean business, Cat and Harlan Ballard have pitched a tent and are living in their front yard.

Finally, a commonsense approach to raising children!

Usage Note: Language Police will say, "You raise corn, but you rear children."

But, actually, they're wrong, because I don't raise corn. Never have. I am, however, raising a son and, so far, see no need to start rearing him as well.

According to the CNN.com story -- this is verbatim -- "The couple sits on their lawn chairs and roasts marshmallows over a hibachi."

All I can say is, hopefully they'll come out with a book on their theories, because it's obvious the Ballards have some important insights into raising children in the 21st century.

Years ago, parents followed Dr. Spock's advice -- and yes, I am talking about the character on "Star Trek" -- but his book is hopelessly outdated.

Besides, what's a Vulcan know about Earth children? On planet Vulcan, children are probably all very logical.

VULCAN PARENT (testing child): Why don't you relax and watch MTV or play a video game?

VULCAN CHILD: That wouldn't be a logical or productive use of my time. I would prefer to help the family unit by doing something constructive around the house.

Not on Earth. Here you have to fight fire with fire.

Kids refuse to clean up their rooms? Put up a tent and live outside!

Kids won't help with dishes? Roast marshmallows on the front lawn!

And think how well their methods would work up north. If North Dakota parents pitched a tent in December, their kids would know they meant business.

Whether by accident or design, the Ballards have tapped into something extremely powerful. They are relaying to the world a strong and, to teens, horrifying message: We are these children's parents and We Are Nutballs!

Teens hate to admit they have parents. They prefer pretending they just sprung from the ground (like corn!).

And they hate it when their parents make public spectacles of themselves, unless they're something cool, like serial killers.

FRIEND: Those people in your front yard -- are they your parents?

TEEN: I have no idea who they are. I suddenly sprung into being at age 14.

FRIEND: Liar! They are your parents. I always heard you had parents!

As innovative as the Ballards' approach is, I'm not positive it would work around my house:

ME: Son, if you don't clean up your room right now I'm going to pitch a tent and live in the front yard and roast marshmallows. How do you like dem apples?

SON: Apples? Uhhh, sure, go ahead.

And what if the strike doesn't work out? What if he brings in Scab Parents to break the strike?

ME: You'll be glad to know, son, I've decided to call off my job action.

SON: Sorry, Dad, but you've been laid off.

Write to Don Flood in care of King Features Weekly Service, P.O. Box 536475, Orlando, FL 32853-6475, or send e-mails to dflood@ezol.com