Taken, but not forgotten, part 1

Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Dressed in a hijab, United States Air Force 1st Lt. Alea Nadeem begins her presentation on her journey from being taken involuntarily into the life of a young woman in Iraq by her Iraqi father. Nadeem spoke on the topic at Cottey College April 4.

United States Air Force 1st Lt. Alea Nadeem told her story in a presentation at Cottey College on April 4; at the age of 8, she was involuntarily moved to Iraq to be raised as a Muslim with her father's family; details of the four years she spent there will be published today; to learn about her rescue and what happened afterward, see Part 2 in Wednesday's edition of the Nevada Daily Mail.

A woman clad in a black hijab, the traditional modest dress of a Muslim woman, glided onto the stage in the Missouri Recital Hall and greeted the waiting crowd.

On the stage, she removed the garment, revealing the U.S. Air Force officer's uniform beneath it.

First Lt. Alea A. Nadeem wore similar garments while she was a young woman in Iraq; but "that's not who I am anymore," she said.

With that, the story of how she came to spend part of her childhood in Iraq, and her journey back to the United States, even her choice to join the U.S. military began to unfold.

Nadeem is the oldest child of a Muslim man from Iraq, and a Catholic woman, from Toledo, Ohio.

When her parents met and married, her father was a "loosely practicing Muslim," and he and her mother continued to practice their religions. The children, Alea and another girl, five years her junior, practiced some of both with their parents. She would pray at times with her father, in Arabic; on Sunday she'd attend Catholic services.

Then when she was 8, Nadeem's father told her mother that his own mother was gravely ill, and the family agreed to visit Iraq on a family vacation.

"It was wonderful. I was having a wonderful time. They were so welcoming, and the culture is very centered around family. I couldn't understand what they were saying, but I felt this sense of love," she said.

The evening before their scheduled departure, the girls were sent to bed early; but later that night, her father came in and invited them out for ice cream. Of course they went, had a wonderful time, then went to an aunt's home. The hour was late, and the younger girl began to cry. The father left them with the aunt. The girls were given a room to stay in, in the aunt's large home. Frightened and wanting their parents, they stayed in the room, never coming out. Finally, Nadeem said, she heard "cussing in English." Realizing it was her mother, she tried to go downstairs, where she could see her mother being held back by family members. Other family members were holding back Nadeem and her sister.

They went back to their Iraqi grandmother's home, where they had stayed during their vacation time. "I was following my mother everywhere," closely, because she didn't want to be without her again, Nadeem said.

One day, her mother began packing -- just her own clothes, but Nadeem didn't notice that at the time.

Her mother went downstairs and confronted the father, breaking down emotionally from the stress, begging Nadeem's father not to make her go through with the plan -- apparently, a plan to leave at least one of the daughters in Iraq with him.

"He put a gun to her head and said, 'You need to choose'," Nadeem said. Her mother chose to take the younger child with her out of a concern the younger child might forget her past life in the United States.

"I can't imagine a parent having to pick between her children," Nadeem said.

Life in Iraq

Nadeem felt intense, seething anger; but "life went on," she said.

She began living what in Iraq was a normal life for a Muslim girl; she went to school, where "they can hit you," and strike the students with a ruler if the answer's incorrect, so she learned only to raise her hand if she was certain of the answer. At home, there also were things that would be considered abuse in the United States that were widely accepted in the culture; and of these incidents, she simply said, "I didn't understand it."

She was supposed to one day marry her cousin; this was pre-arranged. In that culture, it's not unusual, and she didn't find it odd, as American women would. "Everyone else was doing it," she said.

"The government can come in your house and inspect at any time," Nadeem said. At those times, she would hide in a water tank on the home's flat roof.

Bananas and Pepsi were expensive commodities, and family members would fight over them.

Then, when Nadeem was about 10 years old, the U.S. invaded Iraq -- Nadeem found out later it was because Iraq had invaded Kuwait.

She saw a U.S. military helicopter arrive at a hospital, and she made her way to them, announcing to the soldiers that she was an American from Toledo, Ohio, and they needed to take her home. That didn't happen. It would be a few more years before her return to Toledo.

Still life went on. Women mostly kept the company of other women; and there were household chores expected of girls and women; and of course she would wear the hijab; although as a young girl she could wear clothing of muted colors, not just black.

Overall, she noted, though, her family included her; "they were good people" and she misses one element of the culture. "Everything is very family oriented. It's about the family."

Family members seemed to believe they were doing the right thing; that raising her as a Muslim was what was best for her. "They didn't think they were doing anything wrong," she said.

In all, she would spend four years as a young Muslim woman in Iraq, before her return to the United States.

Learn how Alea Nadeem's return to the United States came about and what's transpired since in Wednesday's edition of the Nevada Daily Mail.

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