Woman forced to cope with assault seeks to raise awareness

Friday, March 13, 2015

Nevada Daily Mail

Editor's note: The Nevada Daily Mail determined that releasing the name of the victim in this story could hurt her case and the ongoing investigation. The woman provided a copy of the law enforcement report of the incident.

This woman has a story to tell.

She's a wife and a mother, and has an active occupation.

She's also a victim of sexual assault.

According to RAINN, the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network website, every 107 seconds, an American is sexually assaulted.

Sixty-eight percent of sexual assaults are not reported to police. RAINN's statistics also note that 98 percent of rapists never spend a day in jail or prison.

Two thirds of assaults are committed by someone known to the victim. And 38 percent of rapists are a friend or acquaintance.

The website domesticviolencestatistics.org states that 92 percent of women surveyed listed reducing domestic violence and sexual assault as their top concern.

According to the website nomore.org, which is a national public awareness and engagement campaign focused on ending domestic violence and sexual assault, one in two women and one in five men have experienced some form of sexual violence in their lives.

Citing information from the Centers for Disease Control, NoMore states that one in four women and one in six men were sexually abused before the age of 18.

One in five women are survivors of rape.

While the victim fits most of these statistics, she wants to get past just being another number.

She wants to make it personal and she wants to share her story.

The incident happened some months ago. While she can't go into the details due to the ongoing investigation, she is trying to work through the many challenges of coping with what happened.

"It's still hard to talk about it. It took me a week to report it.

"I felt ashamed, embarrassed and that it was somehow my fault.

"I had told myself that if I was ever in such a situation, that I would be able to get out of it. I would do this and this.

"But when it happened, it was like I was paralyzed. I fought back but I could only fight so much.

"Afterward, I was afraid to talk about it."

But she got past that, eventually sharing what happened with her husband and her family.

She said she found strength from that support, although she admitted the events have also taken a toll on her husband.

While she has found counseling, she said she believes her husband needs someone to talk to as well.

Even now though, she said she still suppresses "a lot of what happened."

When she does share, she hears the questions asking what she was wearing, was she being flirtatious or suggestive, what was her appearance.

"It's as if some people think you're asking for this.

You have a fear of what people are going to say."

The emotional toll results in "bad days. I still break down. It's hard.

"In minutes, you have something taken from you. This person took so much."

And the lingering effect of the assault continues to do so, impacting jobs, homes and religious values.

"You question your faith. Why did this happen to me?

"It took me a long time to go back to church, to try to reconcile what I believe and what happened.

And then there is the fear.

"You don't know who to trust. There is just a flood of emotions.

"I don't like being alone. It's tough when my husband isn't with me."

She said she counts herself fortunate that the family could afford the professional help she needed and wonders about those who can't.

Counseling is vital to the healing process, she said.

"Therapy is teaching me to become more vocal and to realize that this can and does happen to anybody. You learn that it's not your fault and that you didn't deserve it.

"I'm learning to heal from it. You learn to love yourself again."

"I'm trying to rebuild my life.

"This is allowing me to be able to be a mom and wife and get through this."

Yet, she said, what happened then is and will be part of her.

"I've come to realize this is something that you don't get over. It's always with you."

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