For Rambo, it's not over

With the billions of dollars in losses piling up in the subprime debacle, many Americans have been wringing their hands in anticipation of potentially meager annual bonuses for Wall Street financiers.

Turns out there was no need to worry. Bonuses for the seven largest Wall Street firms totaled $33.2 billion, down just 2 percent from last year.

This is despite the fact that, according to the Washington Post, "Mortgage-related losses reported by the seven firms totaled $55 billion and wiped out more than $200 billion in shareholder value." Apparently wiping out shareholder value pays pretty well.

As does wiping out bad guys. The following actual headline appeared on a film Web site: "The Weinsteins Say Another Rambo Sequel Is Inevitable." Well, of course it's inevitable. He's only 60 years old and, as everybody knows, for action stars 60 is the new 25.

(He may have to make some concessions to age -- a body double, a face double, perhaps a grunting double.) But the important thing is, there are so many more Rambo stories to tell.

The following are just a few of Rambo movies I can envision. Mr. Weinstein, let's do lunch.

"Rambo V" -- Owners of an Arizona diner watch helplessly as 55-year-olds with fake IDs take advantage of the restaurant's Senior Citizen Discount for those 62 and up. That is, until they finally look up Rambo in the Yellow Pages (under Death-Destruction).

Though outnumbered 50-1, Rambo makes short work of the bad guys, mainly because he has automatic weapons and they don't. He also destroys the restaurant but the owners readily agree that was justice was served, if not that afternoon's daily special.

"Rambo VI" -- A group of aging action stars sit around the swimming pool desperately waiting for a multi-million dollar motion picture deal. Meanwhile, evil agents say one thing to their face, while behind their backs they tell producers these guys were washed up during the Carter Administration.

Deciding they're better off not relying on their two-faced agents, the aging stars conspire with Rambo to take the studio headquarters by force and begin a new era of senior citizen action movies.

In a bravura star turn, Sylvester Stallone plays both Rambo and himself as one of the aging action heroes. (Rambo's the one with the bandanna, which in a touching scene, he hands to Stallone and tells him that he's his hero.) "Rambo VII" -- Retiring to a 55 and up development in Boca Raton, Fla., Rambo thinks his life of violence is finally behind him, but then one morning he catches his neighbor stealing a peek at his morning paper before he's had a chance to read it. "It's not over till it's over," Rambo grunts, as the bloodshed begins anew.

"Rambo VIII" -- When the local senior center changes its Bingo Night without proper notice, Rambo teams up with Rocky to take his revenge, with the resulting Shuffle Board Death Match alone worth the price of admission -- even without the senior discount.

Write to Don Flood in care of King Features Weekly Service, P.O. Box 536475, Orlando, FL 32853-6475, or send e-mails to dflood287@comcast.net.